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A LONG TIME COMING

A Gold-Plate Generation full-back, taking a surprise appointment abroad, having never managed a club before; what could possibly go wrong? Must we really endure Jamie Carragher making hilarious sport of another inevitable failure every time he’s comprehensively defeated in an argument on Monday Night Football (MNF)? Er, no, because unlike Gary Neville, Ashley Cole hasn’t been presented with a job managing Cesena thanks to his friendship with a cuddly billionaire, able to fit the Valencia gig around his day-job of buying up swathes of his beloved Manchester for personal enrichment.

Rather, Cole has earned his position by taking a succession of coaching jobs while showing himself to be an excellent analyst and communicator when appearing on TV, such that the question ought really to be why has it taken seven years for him to be given a managerial position, and why is that managerial position a temporary one, in Serie B? By way of comparison, Steven Gerrard was at Rangers within two years of retirement while Frank Lampard took the Derby post in similar timeframe – likewise Wayne Rooney – before failing and moving on to Chelsea, then failing again, to be rewarded with the big chair at Everton.

As a player, Cole occupied a role requiring not just instinct and improvisation but thought and planning, excelling in it over a generation as one of very few England players ever to be lauded as the world’s best in his position. Moreover, in spending eight years alongside John Terry, he showed an ability to excel in the worst circumstances imaginable, just as in scoring penalties in two Bigger Cup finals, he proved himself able to handle pressure, his career path allowing him to learn from Arsène Wenger, José Mourinho, Carlo Ancelotti, Sven-Göran Eriksson, Luiz Felipe Scolari, Guus Hiddink, Rafael Benítez and Fabio Capello … yes, and André Villas-Boas too. So, what’s the difference?

Well, Ashley isn’t really a footballer’s name, so there’s that – were he seeking a vacancy in a Weatherfield butcher’s, things would surely have been different. Or might it be the section in his autobiography which talks about Arsenal reneging on a promise to pay him a salary his work had clearly earned, causing him to explain that “I was so incensed. I was trembling with anger. I couldn’t believe what I’d heard … I nearly swerved off the road”? And there were indeed infants who found this problematic, similarly when he departed for Chelsea, but the remaining adults were surely familiar with the propensity of employers to lie to their employees, or offer a rate below market value then present it as a gift – behaviour which might result in an employee moving on for a better career opportunity. Thus, what could it possibly be that held Cole back? It’s a real head-scratcher isn’t it?!

Apropos of nothing, roughly 43% of Premier League footballers are Black or biracial, while there are two biracial managers; roughly 34% of Championship footballers are Black or biracial, while there are no Black or biracial managers.

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Join Will Unwin at 8pm (GMT) for red-hot Premier League updates on Brentford 1-0 Wolves. 

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“We registered 9,500 people today, so I have the fortune of telling you that as of now, you are ’officially amazing’, congratulations” – Guinness World Records judge Alfredo Arista announces that a Mexico City coaching session is now officially the largest ever held in football – yes even bigger than pre-season training at Boehly-era Chelsea.

FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS

Several decades ago I played Sunday league football with the late and former Arsenal, Manchester United and Scotland striker David Herd. He claimed to not have been a gifted player and he sharpened his skills by spending his afternoons kicking balls into the shed (Friday’s Memory Lane – Football Daily full email edition) while more talented teammates went off to play snooker and enjoy a pint or two. The intense practise made hitting the ball into the onion bag instinctive, he said” – David Campion.

Your picture and write-up about the Arsenal training box reminded me of that old, very adaptable, training ground joke from years gone by. A team, let’s call them, say, Spurs, are suffering long-term performance problems. Before another match and inevitable defeat, their current manager, let’s call him, say, Mr Tudor, calls a previous, successful manager, let’s call him, say, Mr Pocchetino, to ask for training ground tips. Well, one thing we always used were dustbins. You know, the old-fashioned cylindrical dustbins? Put 10 of them out on the pitch in a random formation and get your players to attack them. They have to kick the ball against the bins, and the unpredictable angle and speed of bounce will help your players develop their reactions and anticipation. ‘Oh, great. Thanks Poch. We’ll try that with the current side.’ Three hours later, Poch gets another call from Tudor. ‘Poch! Poch! What will we do? The bins are winning 3-0!’ – Ken Muir (written before the draw with Liverpool).

I’m aware of how busy y’all are refilling your cartridge pens (pints?), but might you kindly point me to the glossary for Big Vase [Europa League], Tin Pot (Europa Conference League], Bigger Cups [Champions League], tin [Oh come one!] … we colonials need some help, in case that’s not obvious” – Clinton Macsherry.

If you have any, please send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s prizeless letter o’ the day is … David Campion. Terms and conditions for our competitions, when we run them, are here.

RECOMMENDED LISTENING

Join Robyn Cowen and the Football Weekly pod squad as they chew over the weekend’s action.

FULL MARKS FOR DOWMAN

It was a confusing weekend for bald men. Referee Paul Tierney found himself caught in the middle of a Chelsea huddle while Igor Tudor’s attempt to greet Arne Slot before Tottenham’s game at Anfield ended up being super-awks as the man man who swivelled round in response to the friendly tap was actually Spurs’ player liaison officer Allan Dixon. There are no such follicle concerns for Arsenal teenager Max Dowman, whose sprouting thatch was grabbed and ruffled by teammates after he sprinted the length of the pitch to clinch the Gunners’ 2-0 win over Everton on Saturday. Becoming the Premier League’s youngest-ever scorer at 16 years and 73 days and helping Arsenal to a nine-point lead at the top of the table gave the teenager a pretty decent response to the “what did you get up to at the weekend?” question as he walked through the school gates on Monday morning to continue studies for his GCSEs.

NEWS, BITS AND BOBS

The captain of Iran has left Australia after withdrawing her asylum claim. Zahra Ghanbari became the fifth member of the squad to change her mind after initially taking up an offer to stay in the country following the Asian Cup.

Chelsea have been fined £10.75m, handed a suspended ban from signing first-team players and given an immediate nine-month academy transfer ban by the Premier League over breaches of financial rules during Roman Abramovich’s ownership.

Millwall have condemned the online racist abuse directed at defender Zak Sturge following Saturday’s home defeat by Blackburn. The club said they were waiting for updates from Instagram’s parent company Meta and the EFL after reporting “emojis with racist intent and slurs about his skin colour”.

The “Finalissima” showdown between European champions Spain and Copa América winners Argentina, scheduled to be held in Qatar later this month, has been cancelled due to the conflict in the Middle East.

Lauren James was the star of the show as Chelsea retained their Women’s League Cup trophy with a 2-0 win over Manchester United at Ashton Gate.

Meanwhile, runaway WSL leaders Manchester City were held to a 0-0 draw at Aston Villa while there were wins for Arsenal, Everton and Liverpool.

It’s going to the wire in Scotland where Hearts (63pts) tripped up at Kilmarnock, allowing Celtic (61pts) and Rangers (60pts) to close the gap with wins over Motherwell and St Mirren respectively.

And Manchester United have no plans to make a u-turn on their decision to release Casemiro at the end of the season, despite the old-timer finding extra pep in his step in recent matches.

STILL WANT MORE?

It’s Monday. It’s 10 talking points from the weekend’s Premier League action.

Tottenham at least showed they are still fighting for survival under Igor Tudor with their 1-1 draw at Liverpool, writes Jonathan Wilson.

Barney Ronay says Arsenal’s nervous energy may be a help not a hindrance after watching a drifting Manchester City fall further behind in the title race at West Ham.

“Como are a strong team,” said Gian Piero Gasperini after Roma’s 2-1 defeat by Cesc Fàbregas’s side. “But I don’t respect the way they behave.” Nicky Bandini reports on the latest shenanigans from Serie A.

The intensity and adrenaline of Leverkusen’s 1-1 draw with Bayern Munich summed up a classic Bundesliga rivalry, writes Andy Brassell.

PSG have taken a big step forward in the Ligue 1 title race – but was it fair? Luke Entwistle has the latest from France.

The YouTuber KSI wants to take Dagenham & Redbridge to the top flight. “And I’d like to marry Brad Pitt,” said Suzanne Collier, a fan for 43 years. Billy Munday reports from National League South.

Brentford were widely tipped for relegation but now they have Bigger Vase qualification in their sights. Harry Paterson marvels at the achievements of Keith Andrews and co.

And here’s your MLS weekend wrap, featuring tough times for Phil Neville.

MEMORY LANE

October 1980: a lovely shot of Upton Park under the lights as West Ham take on Castilla in the first round of the Cup Winners’ Cup. The match was played behind closed doors due to crowd trouble in the first leg at the Bernabéu. There’s a great piece on the ‘ghost game’ here.

RHUBARB. CUSTARD. CRUSTY BREAD?