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For the second time in the space of three years, I was sitting on my bed screaming, “They’ve stolen all my money.” I feel sick about it. Foolish and ashamed. Within minutes, thousands of dollars were stolen from my accounts, and I won’t be getting it back because I “willingly” gave out my private information.

In 2023 I wrote an article after I fell victim to a Facebook scam and had $1,000 stolen from my bank account. I thought that experience made me immune from it ever happening again. It didn’t and I think I know why.

This time, when I was off sick from work and lying in bed, I received a notification from a trusted app saying my order for a $699 laptop had been processed. Five minutes later I’d lost more than $3,000 from my credit card and savings account combined.

Now, let me give you some backstory as to why I did what I did.

I’m a 57-year-old woman who lives alone, and in the past few years I have been diagnosed as having autism-spectrum disorder (ASD) and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) – or as we in the gang like to call it “AuDHD”. I’m still learning how my brain works and why I do the things I do – it’s a process.

Remember, I’d been scammed before and was terrified of it happening again. I had also been stressing about my finances because I was waiting for a refund from airline tickets that were cancelled because of the Iran war – money is tight right now.

The “receipt” had a message saying, “If you did not place this order, call 1800 XXX XXX.” I called the number. They answered, “Hello, PayPal.” Within a minute they urged me to confirm credit card details. I received what looked like official PayPal emails and texts with codes. The whole thing was very fast and confusing and overwhelming.

At one point during the phone conversation, I actually said, “No, I’m not doing this, I think you are the scammer.” Somehow, he assured me he wasn’t. There were giant red flags waving in front of my face and I ignored them – because I was scared and overwhelmed and under pressure and alone.

As soon as the guy hung up and the pressure was off, the penny dropped. I knew I’d been scammed. I checked my accounts and there were large transactions pending. Even more panic ensued and I couldn’t remember how to use my phone. Online banks are notoriously hard to contact, but as soon as I could gather my wits, I cancelled all my cards and created disputes with the bank. I also made a report with Victoria police. There was nothing else left to do.

Being the oversharer and good citizen that I am, I took to TikTok to tell my story and warn my audience, who are mostly women. I received hundreds of comments, mostly from women, thanking me for sharing and sending love. A lot of them were also giving me advice that I didn’t need (of course I’d cancelled my cards, urgh!).

But then there also were some who made fun of me. There was a lot of “fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me” sentiment.

This is why I want to set the record straight: this can happen to anyone, and there are a lot of people more vulnerable than I am who have lost more money than me.

The thing is, I didn’t get scammed because I’m stupid or because I “didn’t learn my lesson”. I got scammed because these dodgy operators are very organised and good at the shady work they do. They crank up the terror, drown out the logical part of your brain and then move fast. My AuDHD brain made that whole process easier for them.

Most of the people in my TikTok comments understood that instinctively – those saying “fool me twice” didn’t. But I’ve decided I’d rather be the idiot who admits she was scammed twice than the genius who sits in the comments section blaming victims. This is a crime, and if telling my story makes one other anxious, exhausted, neurodivergent woman pause before she reads out her card number to a stranger, I’ll take the hit.

• Lindy Ralph is a freelance writer and communications professional from Naarm, Melbourne