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Rabbi Mendy Ulman’s family is one of a dozen who will be sitting down for the Jewish holiday of Passover for the first time since the massacre at Bondi beach without the loved ones they lost that day. When Ulman remembers his brother-in-law at previous celebrations – known as Pesach in Hebrew – he says simply: “He was life.”

Rabbi Eli Schlanger was always singing and initiating the traditional Jewish toast “l’chaim” (meaning “to life!”): “He’d make sure everyone’s spirits were high.”

Schlanger’s highlight of the holiday was the first night, which they celebrated as a family, allowing him to focus on his children – engaging them in the story of their ancestors’ liberation from slavery in Egypt more than 3,000 years ago.

On the second night, the orthodox Bondi Chabad congregation would host a communal Seder meal where Schlanger would “run the whole show”, Ulman says.

This year, with many families in their community also facing a very different holiday, the communal Seder will move to the first night, Wednesday.

“It’s going to be very stark, and very, very confronting, so doing it together as community will be much more comforting,” Ulman says.

The hope is the evening will be a “healing experience”, though for many in the community “there’s still a long road to go”.

“I know grandmothers who have never been to therapy – babushkas who are 90 years old and they’re going to therapy. It’s a new time for a lot of people …

“The way that we heal … the way we’ve always done as a community is coming together on occasions like this.”

‘A radical notion’

The Haggadah – the text guiding the Seder – instructs each participant to imagine they personally left Egypt, experiencing the journey from slavery to freedom.

“Part of the power of Passover is that the themes do continue to resonate through generations, through time periods,” Rabbi Jacqueline Ninio from Emanuel Synagogue says.

“Pesach really at its heart is about what it means to be free … It was a radical notion of the time that everyone should be free; there are not people who should be slaves and people who should be masters…

“We all – every human being – deserves to be free.”

Because Judaism encourages different interpretations of its texts, Ninio says, each person connects with the story in their own way, bringing their own circumstances to bear on how they create meaning from the holiday. The Seder meal in particular is a time of discussion and debate.

A topic of debate at this year’s Seder, predicts Alex Ryvchin, the co-chief executive of the Executive Council of Australian Jewry, will be “our status as Australians and how free we truly are”.

Like many who are part of Bondi Chabad, which is closely connected to Sydney’s Russian-speaking Jewish immigrant community, Ryvchin arrived in Australia with his family, escaping Soviet persecution.

“Our bondage lasted a lot longer than many other Jewish families, where even in modern times, we were prohibited from practising our faith,” he says, adding: “Everyone that came from that part of the world has a very common experience.

“It’s an experience of being abused on the street, in public transport. It’s an experience of being excluded from jobs and university places. It’s an experience of having a killing field in your neighbourhood.

“It made us cherish being Australian all the more, knowing that not every place is like Australia, not every place is accepting of the Jewish community and grants us those rights.”

But what was once taken for granted is questioned, Ryvchin says: “How will we view freedom in Australia as Jews – if we can’t gather in a park to light the Hanukah candles are we free to practise our faith?”

‘Everybody knows each other’

Many in the community are still distressed, says Lynda Ben-Menashe, the president of the National Council of Jewish Women of Australia. Bondi represented “the culmination of two and a half years of sustained feeling of attack and dread that something physically violent would happen – and it did.

“The Jewish community is very small in this country. We’re maybe 100,000 people – 0.2% of the Australian population – and we are a very close-knit community.

“Everybody knows each other. It’s not six degrees of separation in our community. It might be two. You are connected to that event.”

The question asked each year at the Seder table – “Why is this night different from all other nights?” – begets another this year, she says: “Why is this Passover different from all other Passovers?”

“We’ve experienced murder on Australian soil and we have never been feeling less safe in this country than we do today.”

The national debate surrounding freedom of speech is also front of mind. “There are still people in this country who think it’s OK to call for violence,” Ben-Menashe says. “That’s not freedom of speech from our perspective.”

‘Everything seems like an act of defiance’

Ninio says distress and trauma exist alongside “incredible resilience”. Ryvchin sees a “surge in pride” in being Jewish. Yet both are concerned.

“We are existing in our Judaism behind walls and behind security and police, and it’s quite confronting… it doesn’t feel so free right now,” Ninio says.

Ryvchin says: “Everything seems like an act of defiance at the moment. Even just being a Jew, walking down the street visibly Jewish or celebrating the holidays, it seems like defiance rather than a humble observance of faith. And I think that’s incredibly sad.

“But at the same time, [that defiance] is tinged with fear,” he says, citing the need to protect children.

“Both those conditions exist simultaneously; we can’t ignore or forget what happened just a few months ago and the likelihood of another attack.”

The royal commission into antisemitism and social cohesion offers hope. “There is finally a willingness to address the issues,” Ben-Menashe says. Her organisation’s submission to the inquiry will focus on “how Australia can become a better and safer place for everyone”.

Ninio says one of Passover’s messages is to refuse to accept things the way they are – and taking action to make a change: “At the end of the Seder, we look ahead to a future of freedom for everyone. And it’s not just about us. It’s about all people.”

For Ulman, the theme of Passover that speaks most strongly to him is gratitude, exemplified by one of the closing songs of the Seder: “Dayenu”, opening up the possibility for hope and celebration.

“I think Pesach wants us to be free by saying have some gratitude in life in the good things – not to negate the bad things – but not to highlight them constantly … to allow yourself to laugh and have a good time.

“We would all be excused if this Pesach we decided not to have joy – there’s a good excuse for that – but that’s not freedom, that’s not what Pesach is about.”