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After mounting an illegal war with Israel against Iran without consulting traditional allies, Donald Trump, man-baby leader of the free world, is now throwing a grand tantrum because once reliable old friends won’t clean up his global mess.

Even by the standards of a US administration characterised by the constant redefinition of shark-jumping, the US-Israeli geopolitical madness of the past month – and the last week in particular – has stretched relations with historic partners, not least Australia, to snapping point.

In questioning the legality of the war and voicing opposition to it – some denying US military access to airspace and refusing to commit navy assets – Nato allies have been solidly rebuked by Trump, who, like all narcissists, can only really see things in personal terms.

The United Kingdom has given Trump some of what he’s demanded, despite its opposition to a war it regards as illegal. And yet the UK prime minister, Keir Starmer, remains perhaps the key Nato target of Trump’s ire.

Trump has now lambasted non-participating countries to “go get your own oil” by force from the Gulf and that he is “absolutely” considering withdrawing the US from Nato. He claims to be in some (possibly fictitious) negotiations for ceasefire with a “new” Iranian regime (there has been no regime change and his military action seems only to have secured the incumbent one despite the assassination of its original leaders).

The mad emperor is now blaming everyone but himself.

Trump’s continued attacks on the UK – including his assertion that “we don’t need people that join wars after we’ve won” – should chill Australian political leaders, defence and strategic policymakers. Aukus. Remember that acronym? The UK of course stands for the United Kingdom, one of the three signatories to Aukus which commits Australia to an absurd $368bn submarine deal with the US to fully integrate Australia’s underwater warfare capability with America’s.

This is how Trump treats his other major Aukus partner and longstanding traditional military ally.

Meanwhile, the more Trump and his secretary of war, Pete Hegseth, showcase their juiced-up fratboy brand of geopolitical vandalism the more Canberra’s blithe commitment to Aukus and the US-Australia Alliance becomes more evidently reckless.

It’s chilling to think our strategic and military future is so hocked to Trump and Hegseth (a Crusader fetishist with an empathy bypass and a contorted view of male identity) who publicly prays for his enemies to be smitten, much to the chagrin of an American pope.

Watching these boneheads wreak global havoc for ends never properly articulated, it becomes ever more apparent that, while mistakes are never conceded, scapegoats will always be aplenty.

In a world devoid of certainty it does seem clear that when Trump walks away from the smouldering ruins of his folly, the global economy burning in his wake and the world crippled by a lingering fuel shortage, Hegseth will probably be lined up as the fall-guy.

Some might say “pass the popcorn” were this not all so calamitous.

Australia’s recent, marginally more strident calls for American and Israeli de-escalation mark a vague tonal shift. But in his address to the nation last night Anthony Albanese steered well clear of even vaguely criticising Trump’s conduct of the war.

Yes he did foreshadow tough times ahead for the nation on fuel supplies but he did not reassure Australians (unlike the UK’s Keir Starmer) that Australia would not be “dragged’’ into the latest episode Trump/Maga global madness. It seems the least he might have done in such troubling times.

Meanwhile, Trump prepares to either walk away … or maybe invade Iran with troops. Or maybe, having overseen such a disastrous American strategic loss he’ll graduate to a simpler, closer to home invasion – Cuba, say. Hey, look over here stupid …

Compellingly, the Labor government, the opposition and its would-be replacement, One Nation, are pretty well neck-and-neck when it comes to placating Trump, although their positions on how much military assistance might be afforded his illegal war are a little more nuanced.

The traditional binaries of left and right in Australian foreign policy (and much else) have never seemed more skewed than when the two most senior members of the Labor left, Anthony Albanese and Penny Wong, are the main defenders of alliance preservation under such an erratic, unreliable, undergraduate and vainglorious administration as Trump’s.

And it’s weird times indeed when Australian progressives find themselves agreeing with an uber-social conservative Liberal, Andrew Hastie, calling out America’s war on Iran as a “huge miscalculation” and Trump’s criticism of Australia as “petulant”.

Hastie is, of course, all about getting noticed as the likely next Liberal leader. Regardless, his criticism of Trump and his war struck a resounding electoral chord. It reflects the very real and acute concern of Australians that their country’s unqualified obsequiousness to Trump’s America has gone way beyond the national interest.

• Paul Daley is a Guardian Australia columnist