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YAWN IN THE USA

England, an apology. Football Daily and the wider English media may have previously depicted Thomas Tuchel’s lads as world champions in waiting after taking apart a Croatian team led by Luka Modric, 78, in a second-half Texan surge, but we were all so very wrong. Still, as the nation awoke following the goalless draw with Ghana, we had our England back. Tradition matters. Tea cups on the lawn, curled-up cucumber sandwiches, overpriced service stations, complaining about the weather, prime ministers departing office; familiarity is important to this nation’s psyche. England serving up the dullest game yet of the Geopolitics World Cup brought that self-same wash of familiarity. A corner of a foreign field that is forever England playing like a drain, a nation’s hopes sagging. England, our ruddy bloody England, welcome home, we’ve been expecting you.

In Massachusetts, English attacks were dashed on the rocks of a carefully laid plan by the familiar face of Carlos Queiroz, a wily fox who knows just how to push the buttons of opponents getting ahead of themselves. The stats read 80% possession to England, 19 shots to two, but an xG of 1.28, which probably accounted for Nico O’Reilly’s header off the bar and Harry Kane clanking the rebound into the stratosphere. The ghosts of Sven, Capello, Hodgson and late-period Southgate made their presence felt. “Boston Z Party” read one waggish headline. Geddit?

The phrase ‘it is what it is’ did the rounds afterwards, the glibbest of the glib employed to describe a match that was a great big nothing burger smeared in Monterrey Jack cheese, sat between a toasted patty of all our yesterdays, with a side salad of knives being sharpened for the national team coach. It wasn’t quite England 0-0 Algeria in 2010. That game is best rewatched as an act of masochism. The vibes in Boston were nowhere near as bad, despite Tuchel’s gathering rage and fiery sideline exchanges with Jude Bellingham and Djed Spence that are set to be memed to high heaven. Of course, none of this really matters. So baggy is the 48-team GWC that a point all but assured England of a place in what those on Fox Soccer are terming “the 32”.

Next up, on Saturday, a familiar opponent in already-eliminated Panama, whose narrow 1-0 loss to Croatia further heightened the sense that victory in Dallas was perhaps not the signpost to global glory that many might have painted it as. Time to panic? English panic is the envy of the world, after all. Not yet. Not just yet. Better to see things in the round. It has been a greatest hits playlist of a GWC so far: Lionel Messi doing Messi things, Cristiano Ronaldo being a grump before delighting his interesting fanbase with goals against, er, Uzbekistan, Kylian Mbappé and Erling Haaland smashing them in for fun and Turkey being rubbish. An England snooze-along is all part of the dance, a comfy chair to bask in and remind us who we truly are.

LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE

We kick off with the final Group B matches at 3pm EST/8pm BST. Rob Smyth is in charge for Switzerland 2-0 Canada, while Will Unwin helms Bosnia and Herzegovina 3-1 Qatar. Later, Scott Murray will be all over Scotland 0-3 Brazil at 6pm EST/11pm BST, and at the same time Ella Brockway is helming Morocco 4-0 Haiti. The fun, preposterously, does not stop there, as Group A concludes at 9pm EST/2am BST with Czechia 0-1 Mexico under the watchful eye of Alexander Abnos, and South Africa 1-2 South Korea with Jeff Rueter on duty.

RECOMMENDED BUYING

We have some Football Weekly Live events coming, folks. If you want to see Max Rushden, Barry Glendenning and other top, top pod squad members in the flesh, you can do so in Dublin on 1 September or in that there London on 9 September. And on 16 July, Football Weekly: Live in New York City is sold out, but livestream tickets are still available.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“Until the final there are still a few games to go but if we win the final then I will make that haircut. This is my promise to Germany” – after changing his profile picture on social media disgraces to an AI one in which he sports the real Ronaldo’s 2002 triangle fringe, Jamie Leweling vows to make it a reality should Die Mannschaft win the GWC. “It was a bit of ‌fun but it got so ‌much attention that [he] sent me a shirt. A Brazilian reporter gave it to me,” added Leweling.

FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS

One of the reasons that the Egyptian team beat New Zealand was that, for some reason, my countrymen were apparently so short of numbers they were forced to play Joe Bell in two different positions on the pitch at the same time. Physicists apparently call this phenomenon ‘quantum superposition’. I call it: ‘Why didn’t you ring me? I was at home doing nothing’” – Rod de Lisle.

Re: yesterday’s Football Daily letters. I cannot believe that someone wrote in to you, of all newsletters, to explain that the old classics are more amusing than new material” – Gaz Boardman.

If you have any, please send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s prizeless letter o’ the day is … Rod de Lisle. Terms and conditions for our competitions, when we run them, are here. 

RECOMMENDED LISTENING

It’s the latest World Cup Daily podcast on England’s second-game syndrome, and more. You can watch it here, too.

GUESS WHO’S BACK?

He scores when he wants? Not exactly, as those exasperations during a 1-1 draw with DR Congo showed but Cristiano Ronaldo again wrote himself into the record books. His first goal against Uzbekistan made him the first man ever to score in six World Cups. Vindication? That’s how the great man saw it. “It was a difficult, dark week; it felt like I’d already retired from football,” he cheered. “But I held on as I always do because I believe more in hard work than in football.” When it was pointed out his grand total of nine goals over six tournaments is the same Eusebio got for Portugal in 1966, those who did so were deluged by his worldwide fanbase on social media disgraces. Woe betide anyone pointing out that CR7’s brand of walking football might not be so effective against higher grade opposition. He’s up to 975 goals now; 25 and done?

NEWS, BITS AND BOBS

Australia defender Jason Geria has urged schools in the country to show their final GWC group game. “Let them watch it,” he flamin’ barked, as teachers up and down the land winced in anticipation. “If they could wheel some TVs into classrooms … I think they’ve all got iPads anyway, so just chuck it on the iPad.”

Steve Clarke rates Neymar. “Even coming from the bench he would give them a lift because he is such an icon,” roared the Scotland manager, whose side face Brazil on Wednesday.

A number of Fifa’s US-based staff advised against the use of dynamic pricing at the World Cup but were overruled by the world governing body’s suits.

Meanwhile, Gianni Infantino insists that hydration breaks were introduced purely for sporting reasons. “There is no additional revenue for Fifa, as all ​commercial agreements were signed well in advance,” parped Fifa’s head-honcho. “So, this is not ‌a financial issue for us.”

The US Department of Homeland Security says it will grant Iran extra time to prepare for their World Cup match against Egypt on Friday.

Donald Trump will hand over the World Cup trophy to the winners at the final on 19 July. “We will be together with the president enjoying the final and handing the trophy to the winner, of course,” oozed Gianni Infantino.

A Paraguayan football commentator has been stripped of his World Cup credentials by ⁠Fifa after an expletive-laden tirade against the organisation and match officials during Paraguay’s 1-0 victory over Turkey.

STILL WANT MORE?

When David Narey scored a screamer for Scotland against Brazil, and Jimmy Hill put his foot in it – Steven Pye on a 1982 classic.

Ousmane Dembélé has joined the World Cup party but could France’s group dominance end up hurting them? Paul MacInnes ponders un question intéressante.

Get your group-stage permutations and third-place table here, compiled by Cara Graham and Malaika Khan.

Picture this: a brilliant gallery of GWC viewing parties around the globe.

Endrick? Neymar? Who? Why won’t Carlo Ancelotti select them? Tom Sanderson on the debates raging in Brazil.

Take a seat with David Pleat, as one of football’s sharpest scouting eyes runs the rule over GWC players who can make it in the Premier League.

Barney Ronay sifts through the gristle of the England-Ghana game. As does Jacob Steinberg.

And which players have refused to celebrate a goal against another country? The Knowledge knows.

MEMORY LANE

On this day in 2006, tens of thousands of Germans packed the streets of Berlin as their national team secured a World Cup quarter-final spot by defeating Sweden in the round of 16. Lukas Podolski scored two first-half goals to start the party across the nation from, ahem, the Brandenburg Gate to Alexanderplatz. “The mood in the dressing room was brilliant. They were singing and dancing – I am so proud of them,” boomed head coach Jürgen Klinsmann.

BEYOND THE GWC

Tottenham are pushing to land Newcastle’s Sandro Tonali and also want West Ham’s Mateus Fernandes.

Lazio Women unlawfully ended Swedish footballer Maja Göthberg’s time at the club because of her pregnancy, the court of arbitration for sport has ruled, ordering the Italian club to pay compensation.

This week’s Moving the Goalposts looks at Brazil’s preparations for the 2027 Women’s World Cup.

Gary O’Neil is the new Ipswich Town manager.

Aaron Ramsey is the new Oxford United manager.

And Gennaro Gattuso is Lazio’s men’s team’s new head coach. “[We are] confident his experience, professionalism and determination will contribute to achieving the club’s sporting objectives,” hollered I Biancocelesti.

‘TRYIN’ TO GET AWAY INTO THE NIGHT’