David Hytner was at Wembley. Here’s his verdict. Thanks for reading this MBM.

Thomas Tuchel speaks to ITV. “It is not a penalty, I am sorry … absolutely OK with our performance … I like how we put it into life, the structure … we were the better team overall … we had some big chances from set pieces … forced into changes … a lot of new players … and for all that I am very grateful for the test … of course [Ronald Araujo should have been sent off] … [Foden] is so lucky … how is this not checked by VAR? … [the penalty] is not enough for me, but OK … I liked how we played … we knew it was a difficult opponent … we did good … everyone did good … I like a lot of stuff today … it was too good to be true when [Ben White] scored the ‘winner’ … maybe he was a bit too tough, too greedy in his defensive actions, but I still think it was not a penalty … hopefully [the booing of White] is settled.”

Poll, Poll & Poll are now claiming that not only was Ugarte’s second yellow card “rescinded”, but also the first one was in fact awarded to Gimenez for dissent after Ugarte’s foul on Palmer. So Ugarte wasn’t booked at all. “They’re making it up as they go along,” says Ian Wright on ITV. “It’s like we didn’t see what we saw.” This World Cup is going to be fun, isn’t it, kids.

Harry Maguire talks to ITV Sport. “I thought we controlled the whole game … they didn’t create a chance … we could have been better, we know that … we lost rhythm and the game-plan … but that’s what happens in these games when you make changes … a ridiculous penalty … it’s soft … he’s kicked the ball over the bar … Ben [White] goes to block the shot … it’s not a tackle, it’s not malicious … it went against us today but we move on … you don’t see tackles like [Ronald Araujo on Phil Foden] and not see a red card … it’s a couple of months to the World Cup and we’ve got referees allowing tackles like that … it’s disappointing … we have to manage the game better … it was a good workout … [White] has brought great energy to the camp.”

… so how strange was that? So tedious to watch for long passages. And yet, and yet! Ben White was booed onto the pitch by his own fans, looked to have scored the winning goal, then gave away the stoppage-time penalty that denied England. Ronald Araujo could have been sent off for an extremely poor challenge on Phil Foden, while Manuel Ugarte was shown yellow twice, but wasn’t sent packing, the referee/fourth-official/VAR triumvirate of Poll, Poll & Poll concocting some on-the-fly nonsense about a rescinded second booking. And then two hectic goalmouth scrambles which almost saw Uruguay snatch a win. Pity those who went home after 75 minutes.

90 min +7: … and then Nunez and Vinas nearly carve out a shooting chance by juggling the ball between them just inside the England box! But the hosts clear again!

90 min +6: An absolute scramble in the England box. Valverde has a whack from the penalty spot, but Maguire gets in the road to block. Uruguay so close to snatching it at the death!

90 min +5: Valverde and pals race off to celebrate with the Uruguay fans, while shushing some of England’s. Incidentally, the second Ugarte yellow was by all accounts “rescinded” by the fourth official and the VAR, which if nothing else proves that PGMOL aren’t the only ones making everything up as they go along.

90 min +2: VAR sends the referee over to the screen! White caught the bottom of Vinas’s boot. You’ve seen them given …

90 min +1: The first of five additional minutes. Vinas tries to poke a loose ball goalwards in the England box. He slices over, but claims to have been caught by White. VAR is checking.

90 min: Bowen chases after a long ball down the right. He enters the box but Muslera whips the ball off his toe with a perfectly executed slide tackle. That had to be timed correctly all right.

88 min: Uruguay make a triple change, and Ugarte finally departs. He’s replaced by Martinez, while Olivera and De Arrascaeta are replaced by Martinez and Nunez.

86 min: In the aftermath of the goal, Ugarte was blatantly shown a second yellow. But he wasn’t ordered off. There’s film of that second yellow, being flashed, though the fourth official is apparantly insisting it never happened! Shades of Graham Poll 2006.

84 min: Palmer wins another corner. Nothing comes of it. But he’s made a difference since coming on, even if the bar for him to clear wasn’t set too high.

83 min: The goal stands!

82 min: Uruguay aren’t happy, though. As the ball came in, Wharton brazenly body-checked Gimenez on the penalty spot. But did that have anything to do with the goal, which was happening elsewhere? VAR will decide.

80 min: Palmer skins Ugarte down the right with absurd ease, and slips Bowen into space. Bowen wins a corner, from which …

78 min: Valverde slips a pass down the inside-left channel for Pellistri, who would be clear in the box if he spins. But he doesn’t.

77 min: Uruguay enjoy a rare period of prolonged possession in England territory. They pass and probe, but the hosts hold their shape well enough.

75 min: The Wembley buzz dies down. Yep, it’s been one of those nights. Seats already emptying.

73 min: That miss has at least got Wembley buzzing. A little bit, anyway. It’s been one of those nights. “Quite impressed by James Garner on debut and Rashford’s scintillating run but a match against Uruguay lacks bite without Suarez.” Somebody was always going to go there, so why not Colum Fordham?

71 min: Palmer is crudely clattered by Ugarte near the right-hand corner flag. Ugarte is booked. Palmer gets up and takes the free kick himself. He curls it deliciously to the far post, where Calvert-Lewin is free, five yards out. Calvert-Lewin has to score, but wafts his header wide left. The flag goes up for offside … but he wasn’t. VAR would have intervened. No blushes saved there.

70 min: Nothing comes of the free kick. Incidentally, White was booed upon his introduction, as per the tedious narrative.

69 min: Wharton is skittled by De Arrascaeta out on the England left. Before the free kick can be swung into the box, England make a quadruple change. Barnes, Mainoo, Hall and White come on for Garner, Rashford, Spence and Tomori.

67 min: De Arrascaeta takes the free kick himself, and lumps it hopelessly over the bar. Uruguay are yet to get an effort on target. England haven’t been much better, to be fair.

66 min: De Arrascaeta drops a shoulder to make some space, 25 yards out from the England goal. But he can’t prepare to shoot, as he’d like, because he’s clipped by Garner. A free kick in a central, and dangerous, position.

64 min: Uruguay make a double change. Vinas and the former Manchester United winger Pellistri come on for Maximilano Araujo and Aguirre.

63 min: Rashford advances into a little pocket of space, centrally, 25 yards out. But he’s allowed no closer, and upon shooting the ball’s blocked and balloons harmlessly back to Muslera.

61 min: Uruguay are still showing next to nix in attack. A long, hopeful punt down the left. Livramento heads it back to Trafford, neatly done seeing Maximilano Araujo was tight on his shoulder. Nerveless.

60 min: Spence exchanges passes with Rashford down the inside-left channel. Spence takes a shot that deflects to Calvert-Lewin, who has a whack himself. He can’t connect properly and Muslera collects.

58 min: Foden has gone straight down the tunnel, so England are taking no chances there. Penny for Pep Guardiola’s thoughts if he’s tuned in.

57 min: Meanwhile Calvert-Lewin replaces Solanke. “Watching my Uruguay against England from Southern Spain,” begins Pablo Miguez. “From a Uruguayan point of view, so far … The good: the defence. The bad: the attacking play. The ugly: the shirt colour. That’s not a proper Celeste.”

56 min: Foden is taken off, presumably a precautionary measure, as he seems to be moving around OK despite that heavy Araujo challenge. Palmer replaces him.

54 min: Foden, fuelled by fume, dances his way down the middle. It’d be a lovely story were he to pile one in from the edge of the box, but he scuffs the shot instead.

53 min: … and thankfully so has Foden, who after some running checks, is good to continue.

51 min: Thomas Tuchel is annoyed enough by Araujo’s tackle to get up in Marcelo Bielsa’s grille. It was a bad challenge. Studs on top of the foot, and maybe a little bit up the shin as well. You’ve seen players sent off for less, but neither referee nor VAR is going to escalate it. Araujo gets away with one there.

50 min: Ronald Araujo extends a leg to win the ball in a 50-50 with Foden. He catches a lot of his opponent’s ankle, though. Thomas Tuchel is fuming. Foden is rolling around in pain. That’s not a good tackle at all. I wonder whether VAR will take a look at this, because the referee isn’t going to take any action.

48 min: England have stepped it up a bit, with Maguire probing down the left, Bowen down the right, Wharton down the middle. The latter looks to have been brought down on the edge of the D, but the referee waves play on.

46 min: Solanke pressures Muslera again (30 min) and this time blocks the keeper’s clearance. Throw for Uruguay. Solanke getting closer to a reward for his hard work.

Uruguay get the second half started. England have replaced Henderson with Wharton, so the armband is passed to Maguire. “Marcus Rashford may be the fourth best forward in Barcelona but at least he’ll be on the plane,” writes Tony Ratcliffe. “Real Madrid’s first choice right back can’t even get into the squad.”

Half-time postbag. “Marcus Rashford is having an odd season. He’s essentially competing with Ferran Torres to be the fourth best forward in Barcelona. Which sounds like a dig, but when the front three are Lewandowski, Raphinha and Lamine Yamal, that’s not a bad situation to be in at all. So, on the one hand it’s not odd that he’s competing in the England Understudies match, but on the other the fourth best attacker in Barcelona should walk into any national team” – Kári Tulinius

“In the Under-21s Euros, plucky England has just secured a point with a 90th minute penalty against the might of Andorra. IT’S COMING HOME!” – Gary Naylor

“This week I was accused, I think without due cause, of looking like Lee Dixon. Upsetting though this was, I did make we wonder what it does to a man to be stuck in close quarters with Sam Matterface for hours at a time” – Tom Hopkins

“After the introduction of the highly aesthetic World Cup Trionda ball yesterday, was tonight’s match ball designed by someone who only had access to a ZX Spectrum?” – Andy Gordon

45 min +7: Canobbio slips Varela into space down the right. Varela hooks into the England box. Trafford punches clear.

45 min +6: Canobbio has had Uruguay’s two best chances. Both speculative efforts from long range, both utterly butchered.

45 min +5: Another chance for Canobbio to make good ground down the middle of the park. He reaches the edge of the D, opens his body, but in looking for the top-left corner of the goal sends his shot deep into the stand.

45 min +3: Can something that never really got going peter out? If so, there’s this.

45 min +1: The first of seven additional first-half minutes passes by.

45 min: Rashford is clipped by Canobbio out on the left. Foden curls the free kick towards Henderson on the right, but Gimenez eyebrows clear just in time. Neither keeper has had any serious work to do.

44 min: Livramento sashays in from the right flank, and for a second things open up ahead of him. But they soon close down again, with nobody in red offering an option.

42 min: The match reverts to type, as Garner chips a free kick down the middle of the park, and Ronald Araujo heads clear. As a result of the limp fare, Wembley isn’t exactly a cauldron right now. A bain-marie, maybe.

40 min: … so having said that, of course the match springs into life at last. Valverde has a shot blocked on the edge of the England box. England counter through Rashford, who tears down the left flank spectacularly, creaming an inviting cross through the Uruguay box. Solanke is the only England player who has been able to stay with Rashford, and even he can’t quite make it to the ball. Much better from England, though.

39 min: Spence gives the ball away with a clunker of a pass upfield. De Arrascaeta picks up possession and passes it into the stand. That just about sums up this match so far.

38 min: Bowen comes on to replace Madueke.

37 min: Ah no, Madueke isn’t able to continue. He goes down again, then wanders off. Not sure whether that’s a concussion issue, or he’s hurt his jaw.

35 min: Thankfully Madueke, who landed awkwardly, is fine to continue after the physio runs through his checks. “Eschewing my usual gutter humour for once, please allow me to be the 1,057th person to hope out loud that Canobbio’s nickname is ‘Obi Wan’.” Mac Millings with that particular comedic tour de Force.

33 min: Madueke and Aguirre fall over in an accidental tangle. Madueke stays down. On ITV, Lee Dixon resists the temptation to encourage the ref to hoof him off the pitch like an old sock. So things can improve. We can learn.

31 min: Solanke is putting himself about, and now he chases a speculative ball down the inside-right channel. He catches Ronald Araujo in his attempt to swivel a shot goalwards. Free kick.

30 min: Solanke nearly closes down Muslera. Not quite. Uruguay clear.

29 min: Rashford, in a tight spot out on the left touchline, flicks cutely infield for Spence, who feeds Garner on the overlap. A deep cross. Solanke wins a header at the far stick, but can only float the header into Muslera’s arms.

27 min: Tomori miscues a header on the halfway line, allowing Canobbio to stride forward with the ball. A lot of space down the middle, which he eats into. He’s got team-mates either side, but opts to shoot himself from 25 yards. The ball flies a similar distance over the bar.

26 min: Maguire again, this time winning a header on halfway that bounds out for a goal kick like an eager puppy.

24 min: Maguire gets a bit casual in playing the ball out from the back, and is fortunate De Arrascaeta’s first touch is heavy. England reclaim possession. They’d have otherwise been dealing with a counter while light on men.

22 min: Canobbio tries a one-two with Aguirre down the right. No good. Uruguay have spent very little time in England’s half.

20 min: Garner’s deliveries have caused Uruguay all sorts of bother, and this corner’s no different. Muslera just about manages to flap the ball away under intense six-yard-box pressure. “If I were Danny Welbeck, I’d deeply resent Solanke being called up ahead of me,” opines Sam. “Welbeck is the top scoring English Premier League striker whereas Solanke missed half the season and only has three goals, not even top scorer for his club! And I say that as a Spurs fan.”

19 min: Solanke has a whack from distance. Easy for Muslera. But the hosts are well on top … and to further illustrate that, Spence spins Canobbio out on the left and wins another England corner.

18 min: Play restarts. Valverde has given Gimenez the captain’s armband.

16 min: God speed, Piquerez. Get well soon. He’s replaced by Gimenez.

14 min: When Piquerez shuffled himself back onto the pitch, ITV co-commentator Lee Dixon suggested the referee should immediately shovel him back off it. With the player being carefully loaded onto a stretcher, and being given a tube of gas, that patter hasn’t aged well at all.

12 min: Piquerez’s ankle buckled horribly there, and he’s not going to be able to continue. The physio calls for a stretcher.

11 min: Madueke dribbles hard down the right and wins a corner off Piquerez, who goes over his ankle as he topples off the pitch. He then drags himself back on it, to ensure England can’t take their corner while facing ten men. On comes the physio.

9 min: A bit of space for Solanke on the edge of the Uruguay D. His shot is deflected wide left for another England corner. Garner hits this one long too, and Maguire again wins a header. He can’t get it on target, though.

8 min: Madueke advances down the England right but is stopped without ceremony by Valverde. Soon after, the Uruguay captain pops up on the Uruguayan right. He’s everywhere at the moment.

7 min: “Whenever I think of the two managers on the hot seat today,” begins Peter Oh, “I picture Marcelo Bielsa on an upturned bucket and Thomas Tuchel on a box cooler (in the first year of the pandemic, after he broke his foot and was in a boot). All I want to see in this match is some top-shelf bucket and cooler sitting. I’m not interested in thinking outside the box.” That being the case, you’ll either be delighted or bamboozled to hear that Bielsa is sitting pitchside on a box cooler. Worlds are colliding.

5 min: … so having said that, Uruguay launch their first attack of the evening. Aguirre makes good down the right. His cross takes a deflection and loops into Trafford’s arms.

4 min: Garner sends the corner long from the left. Maguire meets it with a header, but he’s leaning back and the ball sails harmlessly over the bar. A strong start by England.

3 min: A free kick out on the England left. Foden curls it long for Tomori, who heads back across goal. Henderson helps it on. Madueke prepares to lash a boot through the dropping ball, only for Piquerez to poke out for a corner, just in time.

2 min: Despite that, England start well. Garner swings a cross in from the left, forcing Muslera to punch clear.

England get the ball rolling. They look like Scotland away during the early to mid 80s. Just saying.

The teams are out! England in that aforementioned red, Uruguay in their sky blue. Time for the anthems. God Save the King we all know about; the Uruguayan one really gets the juices flowing, though. And while we’re on the subject of Jonathan Wilson, which we kind of were, he tells a wonderful anecdote about that anthem during today’s edition of Football Weekly Extra. Just before the 45-minute mark should get you there; enjoy, enjoy. We’ll be off in a couple of seconds.

Uruguay are not heading into this match in the finest of fettle. Jonathan Wilson reports on that 5-1 shellacking by the USA and some Luis Suárez-infused rancour.

Thomas Tuchel speaks to ITV, who ask: are we heading into the unknown? “Yeah, a little bit! … it’s good … we had a good training week and we are ready to go … [players need to] buy into it, buy into the ideas, put the effort in … intensity in your effort … support each other … these are the main headlines … I always want the perfect match … but I am long enough a coach to know things can become difficult because we face a strong opponent … some players are new, they have heard my voice for the first time, the ideas for the first time … stick together.”

This is a proper summit meeting between two of the World Cup’s most successful nations. Uruguay being twice as successful as their hosts. And that’s before factoring in population size. But let’s not pull at threads: everyone’s done well, so let’s celebrate those greatest triumphs. (Too early for World Cup fever? Nah, it’s never too early.)

England will be playing in their new away shirt tonight. It’s red, which “marks a historic shift in England’s visual identity”, it says here, and before anyone mentions the 1966 final, that’s because they’re pairing it this time with navy shorts. “This bold combination signals a future-facing England, willing to challenge convention while remaining rooted in tradition,” continues the marketing blurb, which just about gets away with wanting it both ways. And while we’re on the subject of new clobber, here’s Justin Kavanagh: “For those who fear another sleep-inducing friendly, the sight of the England team warming up in their pajamas is not encouraging.” Hmm, it does look a bit like Nike have gone into partnership with JoJo Maman Bébé, doesn’t it. Veering dangerously close to sleep-suit territory. Get ready for some gegentoddling.

Harry Maguire, back at the centre of England’s defence, speaks to ITV. “It’s a great feeling to play at this beautiful stadium … it’s been a long time since I’ve done it, so a great feeling to be back … the form of [Manchester United] also the form of myself has improved [since Michael Carrick took over at Old Trafford] … it’s big credit to him, and big credit to myself to make sure I’m in this squad, and now I’m looking forward to playing … tonight’s a good occasion to go out there and produce a performance … bring the intensity … talent will come through.”

There are a few familiar names in Marcelo Bielsa’s starting XI. Federico Valverde, who led Manchester City a merry dance earlier this month in the Champions League with that first-half hat-trick, captains the side. Manchester United midfielder Manuel Ugarte anchors the midfield, while the defence revolves around Barcelona’s Ronald Araujo. Former Liverpool striker Darwin Nunez, who isn’t getting much game-time at Al-Hilal, is on the bench. Wolves defender Santiago Bueno misses out altogether.

The first England starting XI of this World Cup year has a resolutely experimental feel. Manchester City keeper James Trafford makes his debut for the Three Lions. Everton’s James Garner also debuts, with captain-for-the-evening Jordan Henderson alongside him to lend the sort of experience only 88 caps can bring. John Stones is injured, so Fikayo Tomori will earn his sixth cap at centre back, while Phil Foden gets the nod at No10 ahead of Cole Palmer. Dominic Solanke is favoured up front instead of his namesake Calvert-Lewin.