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Before we get going, a reminder to join our team of writers for all the latest transfer deadline day updates before the window slams shut (in most major leagues) at 11pm BST. Get on it.

NOT SO HOT(SPURS)

While Football Daily isn’t going to claim to have looked too hard, the earliest mention we could find of Tottenham Hotspur being “in very real danger” of having to play Lincoln City home and away this season dates back to early March. Thomas Frank had been sacked a couple of weeks previously and fabled firefighter Igor Tudor had arrived in north London, only to lose his first two matches. While the weird but mercifully brief fever dream prompted a deluge of further hand-wringing, Spurs eventually avoided the drop thanks to replacing the Croat with Roberto De Zerbi. A more passable version of Red Adair, the Italian masterminded heroic wins over already-relegated Wolves, a Villa side focused entirely on Bigger Vase and an Everton team who had last done anything of interest 31 years previously. Not so much a miraculous escape, as a quite fortunate one aided by the benevolence of the fixture generator, it prompted the club hierarchy to hose cash in all directions, all the better to ensure Spurs never find themselves circling the drain again.

So how’s that going, eh? Just two top-flight games into the new campaign and De Zerbi’s much-bolstered squad is already rock bottom of the table and six points off the early pace set by their relegation rivals Hull City. And having completely embarrassed themselves at Brentford on the opening weekend of the season, you could have been forgiven for presuming their first home game of the campaign might have been prefaced by a modicum of humility. Eh? Eh? Oh. “We’ve spent and we’ve spent and we’ve spent!” whooped the designated club hype man in his pre-match address from the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium sward, a field of nightmares upon which Beyoncé has played twice as many gigs as the three league wins Spurs managed last season. “We’re back! We’re going places! We’re huge!”

Approximately 90 minutes and a third consecutive home defeat at the hands of Newcastle later, there was scarcely a peep from said hype bro, so loud was the jeering of Geordies revelling in the obvious discomfort of their former midfielder Sandro Tonali, who could scarcely have done less to justify his £100m summer fee before being hooked in raucous ignominy. “Forget the result,” cooed De Zerbi, after witnessing his side go down to goals from Anthony Elanga and Yoane Wissa. “I am not angry, we are working well and were unlucky today with the result. There is no panic. I know where we are going and what the plan is.” Of course everyone has a plan until they get the kind of smacks in the face dished out by Brentford and Newcastle but De Zerbi can at least take heart from the fact that on Saturday, Tottenham looked pretty impressive until they didn’t. It’s a minor victory that will have to do until obliging Everton come to town in two games’ time.

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QUOTE OF THE DAY

“It is a decision that hurts my soul but I know it is time. I love, have loved and I will always love being part of the national team. I have emptied myself: now I have nothing more to give and, besides, there are great young players coming through who deserve to be [selected]. I love you! I thank God for making me Argentinian” – Lionel Messi, with the heaviest of hearts, bids farewell to international duty.

FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS

As probably the greatest player in history has announced his retirement from international football, I’d like to do likewise. Sure, the ingrates never picked me, overlooking my abilities through several World Cups and Euros, but I feel that, like Messi, the time has come to finally hang up my … ah, hopes of a call-up. But never say never, eh? Look all that happened when the little maestro changed his mind last time around! So, yes, I could still be talked out of this decision, should my country decide they need me. Thank you and …goodbye. For now, at least” – Justin Kavanagh.

Early days but Emi Martínez’s transfer for £7.5m seems like the bargain of the season. OK, he let in three against Brighton but saved many more and transformed Chelsea’s defence. I wonder how much they could sell Robert Sánchez on for? I predict, probably much more than £7.5m” – Nigel Sanders.

So August has just ended and my household is already in a contest to see ‘who can have the most miserable season’, which should cheer up anyone whose pre-season optimism has had an early blow. Me: Luton – one win from three in League One with 10 goals conceded. My wife and son: Spurs – say no more. My other son: West Ham – one win from three in the Championship. It’s going to be a long nine months” – Kevin Goddard.

If you have any, please send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s prizeless letter o’ the day goes to … Justin Kavanagh. Terms and conditions for our competitions, when we run them, are here. 

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Football Weekly Live events are under way. If you want to see Max Rushden, Barry Glendenning and other top, top pod squad members in the flesh, you can do so in Dublin later on Tuesday or that there London on 9 September.  

NEWS, BITS AND BOBS

Former Portsmouth goalkeeper and coach Alan Knight has died aged 65. He played 801 games for Pompey. “The word legend is often overused in football, but the fact that Alan was still known as ‘The Legend’ at Pompey more than 20 years after hanging up his gloves speaks volumes,” said the club.

Fifa has extended worldwide the ban on a former match official and SCR Altach employee who was found guilty of taking secret videos and photographs of members of the club’s women’s team.

Scott McTominay is set to miss Scotland’s upcoming Nations League fixtures as he undergoes corrective surgery for a minor heart issue.

The Beeb says it remains “fully committed to women’s football and the WSL” despite discontinuing its flagship highlights programme for the new season.

Bukayo Saka’s solitary strike means it’s two wins from two for Arsenal after a gruelling battle with Aston Villa. Meanwhile, Gabriel Jesus has done one from the Gunners over to Barcelona.

And Dundee have signed defender Joe Wright from Bradford City. “I really enjoyed my time up here when I was at Kilmarnock,” he cheered. “We had a bit of success as well in that time and I really enjoyed not just the football side of things but the lifestyle as well, the people up here … I think a lot of boys that come from England don’t really understand what it is.”

STILL WANT MORE?

Deep breath …

Keep up with the latest transfer window moves via our men’s and women’s interactives on the world’s biggest leagues.

Jamie Vardy to Wrexham? The Mill takes a deadline-day spin.

Billy Munday steps into the holidaying Sid Lowe’s shoes.

In Ligue 1, Marseille have endured a tough transfer window and a stuttering start to the season, losing 2-0 at Monaco. It could be a long old campaign for Les Phocéens, writes Luke Entwistle.

While in Serie A, Fiorentina’s renaissance looks a long way off after a 3-0 defeat at home to Frosinone sullied their centenary celebrations somewhat. Nicky Bandini reports.

Over to Germany now and a piece on the “miracle village” of Elversberg, who stunned Leverkusen on their Bundesliga debut, as charted by Andy Brassell.

Aston Villa are in a rebuilding process on and off the pitch, as Jonathan Wilson noted during their narrow defeat to Arsenal.

All good things must end, even Lionel Messi’s international career. Pablo Iglesias Maurer implores you to watch the Argentinian genius while you still can.

Ten talking points from the weekend’s Premier League action, right here.

It’s time to get shirty about the short life of the football top. Here’s Tanya Aldred with the latest Hotspot newsletter.

Spurs’ Victoria Pelova on crossing the north London divide.

And our WSL season previews continue apace, with Manchester City the latest off the production line.

RECOMMENDED VIEWING

Who doesn’t love to see a goalkeeper scoring with a wind-assisted blast upfield from inside his own box. Take a bow Peter Jameson of Gateshead. Bonus points for scoring against a former team, Harrogate, too.

MEMORY LANE

November 2005: Jean-Marc Bosman, the man who in 1995 transformed football transfers and player contracts across Europe, poses for a photoshoot 10 years on from the landmark ruling. Big Website interviewed him in 2015 when he said he believed he “did something very good. I gave people rights. Now I think there may be a new generation of players who don’t realise how lucky they are to be able to leave a club and join another, even if they are the fifth or sixth foreigner there.”

‘SO MESSED UP, I WANT YOU HERE’