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Dear friends,

I thanked you at the time, of course. But it’s only now, with distance, that I understand the true weight of what you did for me in my early days of parenting – and I realise I can never thank you enough.

When I decided to have a baby alone, as a solo mother, I knew it would be tough, tiring and probably lonely at times. I had no idea that my son, Nat, would be born into a world that had suddenly shut down, and just how isolating that would be.

In 2020, the ordinary scaffolding of new motherhood – baby groups, casual cafe trips – vanished. All that remained was the bewildering blur of learning how to care for a helpless new life on sleep so scant the pavement swam in front of my eyes when I took him out in his buggy.

Stuck indoors with no distractions, my days shrank to nap schedules, nappies and purees, and although I adored my baby, I felt my identity ebbing away.

I missed you all so much; I missed who I used to be, when I saw you last. Even when we couldn’t meet in person, though, you were always there. At first, you sent congratulatory flowers, cards and cakes, cheerleading me on. In return, I sent panicked texts asking for advice on everything from feeding to whether white noise really had miraculous soothing powers (it turned out it actually did).

When the lockdown rules eventually eased, we met up in parks so you could coo over Nat, even though you couldn’t hold him. But it was what came later that really got me through.

As months passed by, my exhaustion grew more intense and my spirits flagged. Despite being desperate for your company, I was too brain-fogged to chat on the phone, but you kept checking in anyway. You sent voice notes which made me smile during early mornings after sleepless nights; text messages with links to articles you thought I’d like. For my 40th birthday in March 2021, you surprised me with a joyful online birthday party, complete with an indie disco playing my favourite songs.

As the pandemic eased, I was so happy to see you all again, but just as I was starting to find my footing, everything shifted again. When my mum died, Nat was 18 months old. I was still learning to be a parent, but now I was doing it without the person whose love and guidance I’d relied on. My grief shaped that period in ways I still struggle to describe.

I had Nat to look after though, and your support once again carried me through. You left food on my doorstep, for both of us. You dropped everything to come over when Nat was sick and I hadn’t been able to leave the house, playing with him while I took a shower and a moment to myself. You took him to the park so I could finish a piece of work.

Knowing you were there to talk made a profound difference. Whether I had practical questions about fun places to take a toddler, deeper ones about how to become the kind of parent I wanted to be, or just wanted an easy chat about TV shows, you understood what I needed most in that moment.

Six years on, so much has changed. Nat is older and the intensity of those days has softened. But I still carry so much of that time with me; it built a resilience I didn’t have before, and your love was a huge part of that.

When everything felt uncertain and overwhelming, you gave me something solid to hold on to. You never let me feel I was doing it all alone. While I was learning how to care for Nat, you were giving me the best example of care I could have hoped for. I’m so grateful for that gift to us both.

Love, Polly

We all deserve someone who cares
That’s why at AXA Health, we build our teams with people who care, so when you reach out, we’re there to support you. We’ll help you access the care you need quickly. But more than that, we listen, we support, we care.

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Pre-existing conditions are not covered.

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