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On late night’s Cinco de Mayo edition, hosts focused on the ballooning cost of Donald Trump’s new White House ballroom, the return of the presidential fitness test and a fast-food employee who allegedly fired a gun at a customer for helping themselves to free soda.

Jimmy Kimmel

After touching on Monday night’s Met Gala, Jimmy Kimmel wondered if the glamorous event could have a home next year in Trump’s new White House ballroom.

“Originally he said it was cost $200m, and it would be financed by private donors,” Kimmel said. “Then the price tag doubled to $400m, which he said would still be paid for by private donors. Then yesterday, Republicans in the Senate pushed a bill that was allocate a billion dollars of taxpayer money to to go towards this project.” The audience loudly booed.

According to the judiciary committee, the increased funds would be used to heighten security in the wake of the recent shooting at the White House correspondents’ dinner. “A billion dollars for a ballroom,” the host said despairingly. “What can you say? The man loves to dance.

“This is not a popular project,” Kimmel continued, adding that only 28% of Americans support the endeavor. “Why does he need a room to hold balls? […] He’s already holding JD Vance’s balls, he’s got Lindsey Graham’s balls, he’s holding the balls of almost every Republican in Congress.”

Kimmel then moved on to address news that Trump would be bringing back the presidential fitness test, which had previously been nixed during the Obama administration. “He wants kids to get in shape,” the host said. “He said, ‘If they don’t get in shape, they’ll never be able to marry a wealthy businessman.”

He then joked that, while the test used to judge fitness based on how many sit-ups you could do, now it will assess “how many Wendy’s tendies you can fit in your mouth.

“Only Donald Trump would bring back a test that he has no chance of passing.”

Seth Meyers

On Late Night With Seth Meyers, the host also focused on Trump’s plans to bring back the presidential fitness test. On Tuesday, he announced the initiative at the White House in front of gathered schoolkids.

“In front of a group of schoolchildren, President Trump claimed that Iran would have launched a nuclear strike against the US and Israel if he hadn’t started the war,” Meyers said. “Said the kids, ‘Uh, is this going to be on the test?’

“You just know those kids were thinking, ‘Yeah, but didn’t President Obama reach a deal with Iran during his administration?’” Meyers joked. “I mean, they were thinking it, but they were polite not to say it.”

The host then moved on to discuss the latest seemingly AI-generated image posted by the White House: Trump dressed as the Mandalorian holding baby Grogu, to commemorate the unofficial Star Wars Day of 4 May (“May the fourth be with you,” etc).

“The only thing I like about this image is that Grogu is looking at us like, ‘Can you believe this shit?’” Meyers said.

The host concluded with news that Florida authorities had arrested a Taco Bell employee for allegedly firing a gun at a customer who filled up their water cup with soda. “Police are calling the man unstable, and Taco Bell are calling him employee of the month.”

Stephen Colbert

On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert wished audiences a happy Cinco de Mayo. “For those who don’t know, Cinco de Mayo is the day a co-worker in a problematic hat is going to invite you out for margaritas,” he joked.

“This Cinco de Mayo is extra special because it happens to fall on Taco Tuesday,” he added. “Taco Bell is offering free Crunchwrap Supremes, and 7-Eleven has a Bogo on burritos. And I’m guessing if you eat more than one 7-Eleven burrito, you Bogo-ing to the hospital.”

Colbert then moved on to a segment called Hormuz Nuz U Can Uz, detailing new reports that the strait of Hormuz is again closed with more than 1,600 boats and 20,000 seafarers stranded. Yesterday, Iran hit the UAE with missiles for the second day in a row.

“That is dangerous, not just for Middle East peace but to my parent corporation,” said Colbert. “Paramount’s bid to buy Warner Bros relies on $24bn in Gulf funds, including the L’imad holding company, which is run by the crown prince of the UAE. So this war could endanger the UAE-approved version of HBO.”

The host then went on to imagine what such programming would look like: “the hot Euphoria reboot: Obey Your Parents.”

He then discussed Trump’s presidential fitness test White House event, where the schoolkids gathered seemed confused as the president discussed the Iran war.

“All right kids, now let’s read Green Eggs and Ham,” Colbert joked, imitating Trump’s voice. “The eggs are green because the chickens have mutated from radioactive fallout. But don’t worry, you won’t have to eat it because you’ll all be dead.”