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There’s bad news for me and my fellow Eeyores (there always is): a positive mindset could help you age better. Research led by Prof Becca Levy of the Yale School of Public Health interrogated over-65s on their attitudes to ageing, following them for up to 12 years, and found that those with positive beliefs about ageing were more likely to be in the 45% whose physical or cognitive function improved over the study period.

If you’re a glass-half-full type, you’re probably thinking that nearly half of the over-65s studied upping their physical or cognitive performance over a period of years seems like great news. As the research says: “If this finding was extrapolated to the entire US population, it would suggest that more than 26 million older persons are experiencing an improvement in functioning.” And yes, even I have to admit that this is a heartening and stereotype-busting surprise.

But it’s the positive thinkers – the “you’re as young as you feel”, “age is just a number” people – getting positive results that rankles. When someone raves about the power of positivity, I struggle to suppress an eye-roll (go on, let’s see you cure toothache with good vibes), but now I’m going to have to accept they’re probably right. Reading further, it turns out this isn’t entirely new: a previous study Levy conducted found that having negative ageing stereotypes predicted biomarkers for Alzheimer’s.

Does this mean people like me who are always expecting the worst may in fact be bringing the worst on ourselves, our gloomy beliefs becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy? What a downer. As if having to “drink water” and “stand up” to survive weren’t bad enough, now I have to become upbeat if I want to age well too? Ugh.

Ah, well. There’s a while to go before I hit 65 – plenty of time for longevity researchers to declare that a regime of daily sponge cake and complaining to similarly minded friends is in fact the secret to super-ageing. Failing that, I can only hope another force is as powerful as positivity: the grim determination to prove science wrong.

• Emma Beddington is a Guardian columnist